hehe.. my cute but bastard brother, fattie, bought me a present today.. it’s a Guess jacket, 100 bucks. he said winter’s near.
the last time he bought me one was when i first arrived in America. the CK one Karen Ho wore on Twin Peaks. ok he did buy me a couple more in between.
i was just gonna blog about him: “i don’t blame my brother.”
b/c this fattie, he’s a real life eric cartman. i call him eric and he calls me erica. sometimes he calls me macdonald.
“macdonald, where are you” etc. lol.
i don’t blame him because … it’s hard to explain. you need to watch East of Eden and the character lee dong chul (played by kim bum for teenage role and song seung hun for adult role) portrays my brother well some what.
it’s not that my brother’s got an evil heart. he’s got a “black black heart.” (quoted from rene liu’s song)
but he “sacrificed” his chance to be the good one because he is the oldest son. he needs to be in the front line fighting the war. if he wasn’t hard, how could he have made it for us? if he was a softie, i as the youngest would probably have to stand up and be the bad one myself. it was inevitable for us that we are the way we are. predestination is starting to make sense.
in a way, if it wasn’t for him, i would have become the bad one. b/c he did live up to his role. he did take up the responsibility of being the eldest. he is the strongest, smartest, and most rational person of us 3 siblings.
my second brother is kinder, gentler. my second brother worships my oldest brother. (lol this is really matching with the storyline with East of Eden i mentioned earlier.)
so what is wrong with him? sometimes his selfishness is absurd. it shocks me. i have to sit down and think how come this guy have this kind of selfish, arrogant heart. black black heart, as i call it.
compared to others, he’s still much better. but i have utmost expectations of my family. the standard i set for my family has to be way up there. they must be the most compassionate, loving, kind people i’ve ever known. because i push myself to be one. everybody else can be wicked hearted. but not my family. i won’t allow it. that’s my mentality.
he’s actually very cute. but wicked cute. like a cat. a cat with a loud voice and attitude. the muahahahahaha type.
my brother has done a great job being the oldest brother. i guess i took the other role. i could not have done what he had done but i definitely can knock some sense into him to have him reflect about his heart.
he’s the type who wants to be super high class. he plays golf and he lives very tidy and clean with only the “high class” stuff. that’s not who we are. that’s way out of our league and he has just forcibly put himself in that circle. i mean, he’s an electrical engineer and a very smart one. i’m sure he feels pressured to be like his colleagues.
wanting to upgrade is not a bad thing. it’s good. my problem with him is he values the wrong things. too much superficiality. i know we have been so nameless all our lives and he wants to make it for himself.
why would he love that kind things that he loves is a mystery to me. i mean, you are what you love and what he loves is just… fame, power, money, etc. sometimes he forgets the greatest treasure in the world and that is his family. he really has everything.
anyways, it’s hard for me to explain the problem as you can see. but to summarize, i have a problem with his heart. i won’t allow it to go astray. but he is ultimately my brother and i know who he is. he’s actually a very fat and a very cute guy. he’s got a damn lovely girlfriend too and she’s already knocking some sense into him throughout the years. he’s just too hot tempered.
i know we are rising to the top and there’s no stopping us. our days of struggling out of our damn situation is over. we made it as family. i just want to keep him grounded before it’s too late and i want him to move towards the direction of love. nothing else.
Posted by Honestee 
