i had finals for one whole week so i almost didn’t sleep every night… i’d sleep an hour, wake up in sweat and panic attacks to the point i was frozen and couldn’t move… so when it was all over on thursday, i just crashed.

if i don’t ace my major courses, i should just die.

i never had panic attacks before so i didn’t know it when it was happening.. i only realized when it got to a point i had to scream at myself this is not normal stress… look, i’m stressed i’m stressed i’m stressed omg omg help me help me help me this moment this moment this moment omg omg what is this what is this what is this omg omg omg i’m super stressed i can’t take this moment right here this moment right here i can’t take it omg help me i can’t breathe i can’t breathe hooooooo haaaaaahh hoooooooooo haaaaaahh!!!

lol it was like that. it was short but many? keeps happening through the week. the hardest exam was on thursday so wednesday i suffered the most studying. i had to beat myself up to not sleep. i had to push and try soooo hard.. and discipline myself to a point i really feel like crying and dying, to study. so i slept 2 hours, even though i had a super hard day and i couldn’t take no more, i slept 2 hours and continued and keep continuing for 4 days… i almost compared myself to Jesus and His death for three days and how He battled death for 3 days before He resurrected. oh this must be what He felt like, i thought. lol.. funny how His birthday is next on the calendar.

I just want to be alone, god damn it.

I can’t even describe how pissed, how angry, how fed up I am now of everything.

I hate how my roommate comes talk shit to me when I just want to be by myself. Have you ever wanted so badly to take a break after a long day and people fucking come complain shit to you?

Leave me the fuck alone, I don’t wanna talk to you or nobody.  I had a long day alright? Leave me the fuck alone! Talk to me tomorrow or something.

People really have no fucking initiatives. Do I always have to ask for money? Why can’t you pay without me asking?

I can’t take this shit no more. Every month is the same. I really want to get the hell away from these idiots.

People have been calling me all day about different shit too. Since Monday. It’s always something. I need to throw my phone away. And my mom’s been calling me everyday too. To nag. It’s like…. I’m going to explode. If I talk back, she’ll be sad so I can’t do anything but listen.

“My car broke down, can you come pick me up?”
“I don’t know how to do this problem, are you in school?”
“Can you meet me up at …”
“Go have a drink with me please please please…”
“Hey, Honestee!”
“Hey! Over here!”
“Hey this! Hey that!”

SHUT UP!!!!!!!

Full of shit. Why can’t I be by myself. I like being by myself. I like being with people I like. I hate being with these people who are nothing but trouble. They only want to suck. Take and no give.

I hate suckers.

Those people who drain energy out of you.

Those who only want to take advantage of you and gain something out of you.

I’m tired of seeing them all. I know my period is coming that’s why I’m overly moody but I really am so fed up beyond words.

swear to my father in heaven

swear to my mother in germany

swear to my brother in indonesia

swear to my other brother next door

that i will not spend a dime on shopping for clothings this coming month – december.

that is my new month resolution.

no more shopping…………………….

withtheexceptionofonechristmasevedress.

LOL!!! what!!???? a woman needs to dress for christmas eve!

in a short span of 2 months, i have been introduced to 3 new phones and my balding situation has since worsened, unsurprisingly.

the blackberry, my latest frustration, is the worst of them all. i know i have to count my blessings and thank the Lord for even giving me a blackberry to whine and rant about but i can only take it this far.

it is NOT user friendly at all. and ALL phones have different methods of operation (MO) which is my greatest pet peeve of them all. i seriously wonder if all the producers are punking us behind scenes like MWAHAHA let’s make all the functions for different brands super alienated from one another!

to my devastation, i broke my brand new HTC shadow 2 days ago so i was forced to use the blackberry, which very coincidentally was given to me for free by a friend 3 hours prior to the tragic end of my beloved htc shadow.

not that learning to use the htc shadow wasn’t a bitch itself but this blackberry….  is plainly a pain in the ass because even after finally learning to use it, it really is not lovable at all!!!

at least the htc shadow was rewarding because going through the trouble of learning its ways was actually worth it. its MO actually helps the user save time with its new convenient ways!

but the freaking blackberry was nothing but trouble. it’s like you got yourself a bad deal, a bad girlfriend. she whines, nags demands, commands, and in the end you still don’t get no TLC. i have to download so many freaking updating software shits for it because i have to always turn on the speaker just to talk because its freaking headphone is not working unless i get the software updated and i only know all of this because i went online reading and reading and studying and studying blah blah blah… see? it even sounds confusing. imagine doing it.

i haven’t even started about the nightmare of the first phone i had to adapt to. it was the sony ericsson p910i. it is a big ass touch-screen smartphone. that one was actually my true nightmare but i’m not going to blame it since it was made donkey years ago and cavemen probably invented it. talk about inconvenience and user super unfriendliness, this phone boils my blood to lava degree, if that’s even possible.

seriously, when will i be free from these gadgets horror? i hate them so much to begin with. i consider them useless knowledge. that’s why i’m so reluctant to learn them. because you only use them for a while and it’s not beneficial to you as a whole, as a person, and it just sucks life-energy out of you for nothing. i totally understand old people now.

whatever you call it. i’m so tired of searching for its recipe so i compiled one myself from the youtube videos by expert village. they were trying to play some mind games with me by purposely breaking the video into many parts. i’m thankful nevertheless. it’s free.

Ingredients:

1) Pigs feet – 2 lb 2 oz (already cut in halves)
2) Soybean thread – 2
3) Dried shiitake mushrooms – 2-4 oz (try not to use the fresh ones, we need the aroma from the dried mushrooms)
4) Garlic – 6 cloves
5) Ginger – 2 oz
6) Lime leaves – 4 (optional)
7) Green onion – 3 stalks

Seasoning ingredients:

1) Salt – 1 tbsp
2) Brown sugar – 2 oz (if you can find the Chinese block/rock sugar, it is even better)
3) Chinese cooking wine – 1 tsp
4) Dark soy sauce – 1 tbsp
5) Light soy sauce – 1.5 tbsp
6) Oyster sauce – 1.5 tbsp
7) Zhu hou sauce (柱候酱) – 1.5 tbsp (it should be available in most Chinese grocery stores, if you cannot find it, you can use miso instead)
8. Fermented tofu – 1 cube (you usually buy them in a glass jar like pickles)

Preparations:

1) Precook the pig feet

• Point is, we have to simmer the pig feet until they are tender
• Large pot, fill it with water, bring to boil
• When it boils, add 2 considerably-thick slices of ginger and salt (to get rid of some kind of pig taste?)
• Add pig feet
• Close lid, lower temperature to 4 out of 10.
• Let it simmer for 1.5 hour.

2) Prepare shiitake mushrooms

• Soak them for 10-15 mins to soften, keep the water used to soak them to make braising liquid later.
• Cut off the stems, throw them away

3) Prepare ginger

• Peel/Scrape off the skin
• Cut them into considerably-thick slices

4) Prepare and deep-fry soybean threads

• 1 cup of cooking oil to deep-fry the soybean threads
• Since the soybean threads are too long to fit in the wok, break them considerably so that you can deep-fry them (They fry extremely fast so do one at a time. Do not fry for too long as they can become too tough. As soon as you see bubbles forming on it, take it out. Usually, it takes about 2 secs to fry one pieces.)
• Soak the deep-fried soybean threads in water for 15 mins to soften them again
• Cut them into pieces, 2 inches each

5) Drain the precooked pig feet

• After 1), drain the water from pot, because the water is fatty
• Rinse pig feet with cold water, to further get rid of fats
• Then, cut off the main bone from each piece
• Flip it, cut the feet in the middle. (It should be easy since you removed the main bone.)

6) Preparing seasoning mixture

• The 1 tbsp Salt in a bowl
• Add in the dark soy sauce, oyster sauce, fermented tofu cube
• Smash/break the tofu cube (no need too thorough)
• Add brown sugar
• Mix them well together

Cooking directions:

a) Heat the wok on high, add 2-3 tbsp cooking oil
b) Add half of green onion, all the ginger slices, all the garlic cloves, all lime leaves
c) Stir fry for a while – we want all these aromatic vegetables to release its flavor before we add the pig feet
d) After the aromatic vegetables are soft, we can add pig feet to wok
e) Give quick stir, the pig feet will absorb the aroma from the vegetables
f) Add Chinese cooking wine, shiitake mushrooms, zhu hao sauce
g) Continue stir fry all of them over high heat
h) Add in the seasoning mixture from Preparations 6)
i) Add 1.5 cup of braising liquid including the water user to soak the shiitake mushrooms (I guess it’s just water + the shiitake mushroom water)
j) Add in deep-fried soybean threads
k) Gently stir so everything is coated with the braising liquid in the wok
l) Close the lid
m) Let everything simmer for 30 mins over medium-low heat, 3.5/10

^The end.

It has a whole other section about how to serve it in a claypot. Very easy, just transfer them to the claypot!

But before that, you need to:

1) Heat the claypot on the stove with a little water in it.
2) Prepare 1 tsp of corn starch with 1 tsp of water, mix well.
3) Transfer pig feet into claypot
4) Pour in corn starch mixture into claypot little by little at different sides to prevent clumps

Then you get that last picture. Oh what happened to the other half of the green onion? Garnish.

Ingredients

2 century eggs
225g lean pork
8 cups of plain rice porridge
1 fried fried dough (you tiao) (optional)
1 tbsp sliced ginger
1 tbsp chopped spring onion
1 sprig of coriander

Seasonings

pinch of pepper
1 1/3 tbsp salt
dash of sesame seed oil

Directions
1) Remove the shell of the century egg and cut into small cubes

2) Marinate the lean pork with 1 tbsp of salt

3) Cut the fried dough into small pieces

4) Cook 8 cups of plain rice porridge

5) Add the century egg, lean pork, ginger and the seasonings

6) Cook a further 5 minutes

7) Serve with the fried dough, coriander, and spring onion

credits: http://www.homemade-chinese-soups.com/century-egg-pork-congee.html

the problem: i don’t know if what i’m doing is right.

i’m doing a lot of things. i’m just not sure if i’m investing in the right things.

i’m not necessarily happy doing some of them.

for example, i became some officer for a school organization. it’s supposedly good but i’m not happy doing it.

should i be doing something else is the question.

i always doubt my decisions. what is right, what is wrong.

i’ll never know. do i have to get slapped for my wrong decisions in order to know they were wrong?

i just wanna skip the slap part.

God. why do i feel so far from You?

it’s frustrating for no reason. it’s frustrating because there’s no guideline for me to follow. everything is in my hands.

<u><b>JoongBo</b></u> Couple from the Korean celebrity reality show “We Got Married” where stars who did not know or had little knowledge of each other are made to live as husbands and wives to portray the relationships of different types of married couples. The interesting part is when stars began to lose their guard and showed more emotions than what was expected of them as make-believe couples. The show is the hottest national program of 2008 and is currently ongoing. Catch it on <a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hYiLLBNuAo”>YouTube!</a>

<p><a href=”http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq37/qpppqp/2uo2dz5jpg.png”><img src=”http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq37/qpppqp/2uo2dz5jpg-2.png”>

<p>Starring…

<p><a href=”http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq37/qpppqp/hyunjoong.jpg” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq37/qpppqp/hyunjoong-1.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”Photobucket”></a>

<br>HyunJoong, a super idol and leader from boy band SS501. The young groom is gentle and soft-spoken but his words are blunt with a twist of witty humor that never fails to amuse his WGM counterpart and “wife,” HwangBo, who always responds heartily with her loud and cheerful laughter. As the show progressed, viewers are able to witness the genuine concern he has for his “Buin” behind his nonchalant personality.

<p><a href=”http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq37/qpppqp/hwangbo.jpg” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i431.photobucket.com/albums/qq37/qpppqp/hwangbo-1.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”Photobucket”></a>

<br>HwangBo, an old-timer in the business. Former rapper/leader of girl band Chakra from the 90s. She is 6 years older than HyunJoong, making them the younger-husband/older-wife couple of the show. HwangBo often feels unworthy of him because of his good looks, young age, and idol status. She has been hurt by his immaturity throughout the show but as fans would agree, her efforts in the relationship is beginning to reward when HyunJoong is slowly but clearly responding to her in ways he describes as “I don’t know. It’ weird. It’s scary.”