The Purpose in Life is Not Just to Survive

October 15, 2008

You know how people give excuses like “survival of the fittest” and “kill or be killed” for being full of shits or to do shits to others?

I’m not having any more of it.

I’m also tired of listening to “the other” side of the problem about this “big question” in life: Why are we here?

“The other” side makes jokes about life, diminishes the sanctity of it, and looks down on the quest for the truth. They say life is just life. There’s nothing more to it. You eat, drink, take a good shit, sleep, and repeat. We made the whole thing about the importance of life up.

When I first heard their side of the story, I was speechless for a while. Hey, maybe we did make everything up! Maybe they’re right! Life does not matter nor does morals or values! I thought about it for a couple of years and now I’ve decided – NO, we didn’t make it up! Life does matter! So does morals, values, spirituality, and everything else! Thank God we each have a say and I don’t have to be imprisoned by their opinions (they don’t have to agree with mine either). As far as my eyes, brains, heart, and soul can see, there is more to life than just surviving. So it was a conscious decision that I’ve made to believe in life beyond mere surviving because I did listen to their side of the story and contemplated with it for so long. But now I’m even more sure of myself.

Hur, I don’t know if you’ve experienced this before but karma is a bitch. It’s as real as the hemorrhoid in the ass. Some call it retribution, math calls it probability, you may insist it’s coincidence, my mom calls it fate, but whichever term you fancy, it exists and it’s constantly bracing itself for another attack.

If these people who hurt others justify their actions by saying they had to do it for survival or some noble cause, don’t be swayed. They’re FOS. They can also justify their ridiculous behavior by saying it’s not a big deal. After all, they’re the opposers to the purpose in life. They think that in life, we just need to make a lot of money, eat as much good food, have as much fun, travel to as many places, do whatever the hell they want, and live a careless selfish life. And in order to do these, they need to get whatever’s in between out of their way. Unfortunately, the whatever’s in between many a time happens to involve someone else’s valuable life.

Very obviously, life is not just about surviving. Why? Because we’re all going to die. It’s as simple as that. If you wanna survive so much, don’t bother. You’re gonna die anyway. That’s one thing we know for sure. So we shouldn’t try too hard at “surviving.” (“Surviving” in here means hurting others to get your way.)

But one thing we never know is what’s going to happen after we die. So as smart people, shouldn’t we take precautions and live carefully? Live like there’s tomorrow. Live like there’s life after death. Live like you have to face or see someone even after death. In that way, we won’t be sorry in any way.

So if you’re “surviving” at the expense of others, you might as well die since we’re all gonna die. If you’re gonna live, live an honorable, upright, honest life. You won’t be sorry that way. How can you be sorry that you gave your $5 to a homeless kid instead of spending it for yourself? Because if you were sorry, it’d be a waste anyway. Because you’re gonna die whether you gave the kid your money or kept it for yourself. Hopefully you have registered that by now.

The end.

I’ve written this because I don’t understand the mechanism of the unbelievable people. You have seen them, the unbelievable ones. They kill others without a wink. So I’ve been thinking of ways to explain to myself and I came up with the above. In there is my stance on abortion, the business world, etc. Haha, surprising but yes they’re in there.

It is super hard to put my thoughts into words. I hope people don’t misunderstanding by thinking I think we all should die. LoL… it’s hard to get my mind. It’s even harder to explain what I am actually thinking. I think a lot all the time, the whole time, the whole day, every day… about life and stuff. I look forward to be enlightened again and again in the near and far future and improve my look on life. Also, I know it’ll help if I can improve my English. 加油!

Also, although I said it’s bullshit to step on others for your own sake, I never said I’ve never done it myself or it’s easy to avoid. Sometimes it’s really life and death. Sometimes, I wonder if I will kill someone else in order to save my mother. Sometimes, I know I would do the same or worse if I were in a dilemma that many people were in. It’s too hard sometimes. I know. But if you read my previous post, you’ll see this is why I say each and everyone of us is full of shit. We just can’t help it. In that way, we are really better off dead huh? Haha.. but nah, that’s another story. Despite our shortcomings, we should keep fighting.

Also, I’m not necessarily happy if people agree with me. More than the support or the lack of it, I prefer to learn from others.


Regretting Superficial Relationships

September 22, 2008


Just a song I was listening to. Hwangbo – Mature

I don’t have many experiences dating.

But I did have a couple of them I went with just because I thought they looked so good I can’t let go. I thought no one this good looking will ever like me again. I never liked them that much actually. But I just went with them because of their looks. So that I’ve dated such and such a handsome guy before, etc.

Now I think about it… I truly am sorry. I’m truly sorry. I want to cry thinking about it. I can’t believe I behaved that way. I just desperately wanted a taste of it. It’s so pathetic. I am so sorry…. my beloved.

I have to face my consequences now. I have no choice but to pay the price. Because no matter what I do, I can’t buy back my innocence. And I feel so sorry to everyone who loves me: My parents, my brothers, my friends…. They invested so much in me and I threw it away on people who don’t mean shit to me.

Most of all, I am sorry to the one I love. Because… I am in love now. I have someone I truly love. I don’t know if it’s one-sided or not yet but it doesn’t matter. He’s the weird one who made me realize.. I want to give the best of myself to him. However, I feel unworthy now…

I realized.. when we have someone we truly love, it is him or her we want to devote ourselves to. The more men I was with, the more of myself I’ve lost. I wish I had kept my everything for him and him alone. Before when I have no one whom I love like this, I didn’t know anything and don’t see the value to myself either. I don’t see the point of a single partner relationship. Isn’t it ironic how loving someone else makes me love myself too?

Whether it was my body, my heart… my time, my money… everything, I wish I had kept everything for him. He deserves it. Even though I still have so much of everything to offer him now.. it could have been so much more, I thought.

But.. I guess, I shouldn’t regret anything. Just don’t do this shit again, Honestee. To hell with all the cheap man hoes throwing themselves at me. I don’t care if they’re handsome, rich, educated, fun, funny, not funny, whatever. If I don’t love him then he doesn’t deserve anything my lover does. Not that I’m hot or anything but, if they do come along again sometimes, uh uh, I’m not having it.


Protected: Self-Evaluation: Yay, A Lot of Shits to Deal With

September 18, 2008

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